In the Quest for a Second Wife, I Pity My Brothers Who Haven’t Married at All
Finding a sister today feels like searching for pure honey in a world full of artificial sweetness rare, and sometimes not as sweet as it appears.
You meet a sister and suddenly realize… she has no knowledge of the Deen. Worse still, she’s not even willing to learn. She believes that wearing the hijab alone is a guaranteed ticket to Jannah.
Some have memorized parts of the Qur’an, but there’s no understanding, no reflection (tadabbur), and no application. It becomes just a routine reciting without living it.
Then comes the issue of manhaj (methodology). Many don’t have one. They follow anyone who looks religious enough as long as he has a long beard and speaks passionately. Try to correct her, and she accuses you of attacking the entire Ummah.
Parents add another layer of difficulty. One moment they ask, “Why are you still single?” The next moment they list conditions: “He must be a doctor or engineer, from our tribe, and earn at least 500k monthly.”
Then we hear statements like:
“I’m not ready for marriage yet.”
Yet, she talks about love and heartbreaks online almost every day.
“I’m ready, but let me finish NYSC first.”
But NYSC leads to a Master’s degree, then to a PhD, and then... to permanent singleness.
“I’m waiting till I get my PhD.”
Are you looking for a husband or a research supervisor?
“I can’t marry from that state.”
Is this marriage or a tribal council meeting?
“He must have a house, a car, a steady income, be romantic, tall, a hafidh, quote hadith as love language, and still be active on Islamic Twitter or Instagram and still have plenty of time for me.”
Meanwhile, the same brother is working hard, saving, praying qiyam, striving to serve his Deen sincerely… but he remains single because he doesn’t meet all the fantasy standards.
What many don’t realize is that you can still be married while you’re studying. You can build your career and your home at the same time.
You might ask, “Won’t marriage distract me?” But don’t you know there is barakah (divine blessing) in marriage? It can bring peace, focus, and spiritual strength if approached correctly.
You might have all the degrees, certificates, and money… yet still end up settling for someone who does not align with your values or dreams.
Getting married early doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage. Getting married late doesn’t guarantee success either.
The key is to do the right thing at the right time.
You might be in a season of your life when many people are interested in marrying you. But what if, when you finally say “I’m ready to settle,” no one shows up? You’ll begin to ask yourself, “What went wrong?”
But don’t you remember? Everything has its own time. Allah’s timing is always perfect.
May Allah grant every sincere soul a righteous spouse, ease in the journey to halal love, and a home built on correct manhaj and mercy. Ameen.
In the Quest for a Second Wife, I Pity My Brothers Who Haven’t Married at All
Finding a sister today feels like searching for pure honey in a world full of artificial sweetness rare, and sometimes not as sweet as it appears.
You meet a sister and suddenly realize… she has no knowledge of the Deen. Worse still, she’s not even willing to learn. She believes that wearing the hijab alone is a guaranteed ticket to Jannah.
Some have memorized parts of the Qur’an, but there’s no understanding, no reflection (tadabbur), and no application. It becomes just a routine reciting without living it.
Then comes the issue of manhaj (methodology). Many don’t have one. They follow anyone who looks religious enough as long as he has a long beard and speaks passionately. Try to correct her, and she accuses you of attacking the entire Ummah.
Parents add another layer of difficulty. One moment they ask, “Why are you still single?” The next moment they list conditions: “He must be a doctor or engineer, from our tribe, and earn at least 500k monthly.”
Then we hear statements like:
“I’m not ready for marriage yet.”
Yet, she talks about love and heartbreaks online almost every day.
“I’m ready, but let me finish NYSC first.”
But NYSC leads to a Master’s degree, then to a PhD, and then... to permanent singleness.
“I’m waiting till I get my PhD.”
Are you looking for a husband or a research supervisor?
“I can’t marry from that state.”
Is this marriage or a tribal council meeting?
“He must have a house, a car, a steady income, be romantic, tall, a hafidh, quote hadith as love language, and still be active on Islamic Twitter or Instagram and still have plenty of time for me.”
Meanwhile, the same brother is working hard, saving, praying qiyam, striving to serve his Deen sincerely… but he remains single because he doesn’t meet all the fantasy standards.
What many don’t realize is that you can still be married while you’re studying. You can build your career and your home at the same time.
You might ask, “Won’t marriage distract me?” But don’t you know there is barakah (divine blessing) in marriage? It can bring peace, focus, and spiritual strength if approached correctly.
You might have all the degrees, certificates, and money… yet still end up settling for someone who does not align with your values or dreams.
Getting married early doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage. Getting married late doesn’t guarantee success either.
The key is to do the right thing at the right time.
You might be in a season of your life when many people are interested in marrying you. But what if, when you finally say “I’m ready to settle,” no one shows up? You’ll begin to ask yourself, “What went wrong?”
But don’t you remember? Everything has its own time. Allah’s timing is always perfect.
May Allah grant every sincere soul a righteous spouse, ease in the journey to halal love, and a home built on correct manhaj and mercy. Ameen.
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